What do a Dominatrix and Taoist Nun Have in Common?

Would you ever think to put "dominatrix" and "Taoist nun" in the same sentence?

Me neither.

Until I began reading A Woman's Guide To Power Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak.

Kasia spent 17 years studying to become a Taoist nun, meanwhile supporting herself as a high-paid (and very successful) dominatrix in New York City.

While these two professions seem somewhat of an oxymoron, the author draws some interesting parallels between her experiences and how they've shaped her life's work. Today she takes a stand for women to step into their power, use their voice and cut through layers of self-censoring and self-doubt.

In this book, Kasia uncovers why so many women find it difficult to raise their voices - whether that's in the boardroom or in difficult conversations. She explains that many women put themselves in the role of a 'sub' when they need to be more 'dom' and essentially find themselves paralyzed by "Good Girl Syndrome" and a deep rooted need to please everyone else.

Along with the interesting theories and analogies, this book comes packed with simple and practical tools to help you ask for (and get) what you need in your life and career.

So I thought I'd share an exercise I found particularly insightful.

Take a piece of paper and at the top write:

"I'm not having a conversation with _______ about ______."

Underneath, write down whatever conversations you aren't having - no matter how big or small they are. Write out as many as you can.

Ex: I'm not having a conversation with my partner about never emptying the dishwasher without being asked.

After you've written out your list, skim them over and ask yourself:

• What feelings came up for me when I wrote these down?
• Are there any patterns around who I'm not having conversations with or what I'm not having conversations about?
• Why am I not having these conversations?
• What would it take for me to feel comfortable to initiate this conversation?

Awareness is the first step towards any sort of change. If you're not ready to start these conversations, you can at least acknowledge them and the feelings you have surrounding them.

If you're ready to dive a little deeper into this topic, and you would like some help you can apply for our 1 on 1 coaching call. 

- China

PS: Also, we are always looking to make sure we're serving our audience as best as possible. So we'd love to hear what area of your life you find yourself holding back in the most? 

Send us an email to [email protected].